DATING LIKE A BOSS

CHAPTER 3

DEFINING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IN YOUR DATING JOURNEY

1. Introduction
Importance of clarity in dating
When the purpose is not known abuse is inevitable, so Dr. Myles Munroe says. If you don't know what you want you are bound to accept whatever comes your way. The love journey demands sanity and purposefulness. Your dream family can only be actualized by adopting certain standards. What are your standards? Be clear in your mind, never allow other people's opinions to cloud your mind when engaging in a relationship. Understand that your relationship is unique and incomparable. When you know what you want it is easy to identify even what you don't want. God says in Deuteronomy 32:28 English Standard Version For they are a nation void of counsel, and there is no understanding in them. A godly family begins with taking God's counsel, until God builds a house those who build it build in vain. What is it that you are building? a family or you are just killing time? time lost cannot be recovered.

2. Understanding yourself
First things first. Have you discovered yourself? The version of your marriage depends on the quality of your mind. A poor mindset yields poor results. Find out how fit or ready are you to build a family, life is governed by standards and laws. Just like you are expected to grow to a certain age to be regarded as an adult - know that even when you date for marriage you should look like someone who is ready to start a family. We all know that growth is intentional, you do not grow like a tree you grow by consuming information that feeds to what you want to build.

3. Self - awareness and emotional intelligence
Reflecting on past relationships and lessons learned Identify personal values and deal - breakers, what happened to your past relationships? How have they impacted your life? until you are able to answer those questions you should know that you are not ready to date again. Never engage to a relationship with wounds, allow your wounds to heal then you can start anew. Many marriages fail because they build on cracked foundations. How does the foundation you are building upon look like? Do not shoot yourself on the foot by failing to do an introspection. Car drivers know that before they take a long journey - checking oil and water levels is a necessity. How ready are you for your love journey? what have you learnt from others? Birds build their nests using other birds feathers. For you to have a comfortable place which you can call home or family be someone who has learnt from other people's love life stories.

4. Distinguishing between needs and wants
Needs: non-negotiables that align with your core values
The non - negotiables are your pillars in your relationship. Do not be like Esau, do not give away your God given virtues for sweet nothing. We are observing priorities when we start families. What are you comfortable with? let's say you want to get married to someone who already have children, what price are you willing to pay? I believe now you understand why you should learn from other people's love stories. We are shaped by others.

Wants: flexible preferences that enrich but don't define the relationship
In life there are many things that do not necessarilly define the person you are. These are things you can tolerate and mean nothing to your life. Do not rearrange wants for needs. I want you to understand that your needs define your relationship not wants. You can pick and choose a life partner based on shape and size - please note we do not have statistics of marriages that failed because of size or shape of a life partner. Strong marriages are built on honesty, transparency, love, accountability, truthfulness etc. These are foundations of life. Families are the foundation of a society. We are what we are because of where we come from. Let me mention education/empowerment as a value or priority. What you value you always prioritize, many destinys are eroded by failure to observe values. When the marriage fails what shall be your fail over? Will you be stranded or focus on your career? It is possible to live without a life partner but these days we have learnt that knowledge or skillset is a priority.

5. Exploring different relationship goals:
Casual dating vs serious relationships, long - term commitments.
Casual dating is likely to kill your precious time and stir love before time. Young people are advised to stay away from stimulating love before time according to Song of Solomon 8:4 Revised Geneva Translation: I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you neither stir up nor awaken my love until she pleases. Romantic love should not be prematurely pursued or forced, but rather allowed to develop naturally at its own pace. It emphasizes the importance of timing and patience in love and relationships, suggesting that there is a right time for romantic expression and that it should not be rushed or forced. Allow love to grow organicly, half cooked love leads to frustration and disappointments. Casual dating is one of dream killers, the time you should be spending doing something meaningful you lose it by pursuing things that don't add value to your life. Serious dating involves intentions, what do you want to achieve by being in a relationship? Are you killing time or you want to add value to the society? Whatever you do; understand that it has effects in the way people live. Our behaviour is contagious, people emulate people. We can use School going children as an example, they are most likely to emulate their teachers. Serious dating involves investment of time and emotions among other resources.

DATING LIKE A BOSS!!!

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Relationships should be marked by purity and mutual respect, as outlined in 1 Timothy 5:1-2